dimanche 26 août 2012

Contact wanted!

Yesterday evening while going to a live music pub to meet a friend, when I went out the subway, I felt someone touching lightly my arm. It was soft and lasted 2 seconds, but it was enough to make me feel embarrassed. I turned back to see who touched me this way; saw a 50-year-old guy, from India according to his ethnic appearance. He was smiling but not in a naughty, bad-thoughts way. This smile was just as natural as breathes we could take, like an evidence. It was innocent, and sincere. Slightly disoriented, I looked at him with a “Hey, dude, what’s the matter?!” look.
Then, I began to think about it.

When I was a child, I was raised with the fear of God, in a polish very catholic family. Touching people was excluded, just as telling them you love them.
And don’t even think about sex!!!
I grew up in this environment, frustrated and scared, and began to think that was the only way to behave towards people; I even turned out to be disgusted by any physical contact until my late eighties. Even after my first sexual experience, I was still extremely disturbed by expressing my thoughts, my love, by physical contact. This hasn’t changed until my thirties.

I don’t know why this guy has touched me this way, but what I do know is that he didn’t do this to offend me. Why do we think someone we don’t know would automatically hurt us by such a natural, compassionate attitude? Is our society sick in the point to see an ugly intention in such a beautiful gesture? The lack of contact wouldn’t bring us straight to a lack of humanity?

mercredi 30 mai 2012


We lift the veil on something
Only to discover there is another one.
Is reality the one we are looking at
Or the one we are searching for?

I doubt colours, I doubt feelings inside
Questions assail me
Torment me
I just believe in what I
Do not see
Are you here, Spirit of Me?

A mask has just been covered
With another mask
I m searching for something I cannot find
And just don’t remember what.

mardi 8 mai 2012


We are all schizophrenics.
Our straitjacket is invisible because it is mental. The Ego, this tyrannical and capricious child, traps our mind, limiting us between his own boundaries.

Therefore, there is the being we really are and the worldly animal we present to society. The being we crave to be and the one we are in reality. The surface that reflects in the social mirror and our subjective being, hidden in the obscurity of our subconscious.
Two voices constantly fight against one another inside of us. But we often listen to one of them, muzzling the second, too weak to resist. The Ego calls, again and again, for the part of a cake that would never satisfy it. Establishes toughly the boundaries that are supposed to delimit him and therefore strengthen it.
This way, some of us would define themselves, their entire life, by a unique job, passion, partner, comforting the mental prisoner of its own illusion.

To open these boundaries would mean to dilute this Me that the Ego had all the pains in the world to barricade. To loose its power on the perception we have of our being by erasing those limits is unbearable. This would even probably resurrect this voice we kept silent so many times.

But wouldn’t this be the best thing to be done?

Trapped in the illusionary fortress of this fake safety, we keep blocking any concept that would make its walls trembling.

But the real truth is beyond these boundaries. Would we have enough courage to set us free from them?

dimanche 6 mai 2012


They kept telling I would find nothing, that it wasn’t worth searching. That I would better find a job, before searching for a flat.
This is what told me those who were my friends at this time, who knew about my project.
Having an artistic spirit, I decided, 3 years ago, to settle in Paris  in order to develop my creativity.

It's weird how the most well intentioned friends can, for your "own good" of course, slow down the road towards your dreams. How, to help you not to "broke your nose", they push you not to feel it at all. How all your efforts on the way to your own truth disappear on the "protected" path of safety from where you shouldn’t t go away to keep feeling "wellness".

But is this for YOUR  or for THEIR own good, to discourage you to perseverate?
If you don t listen to their "friendly" warnings and if you succeed in your quest, wouldn t THEY  have to question themselves about the good sense of walking like zombies on a path destroying their personality and their desires, for the only reason they do not risk anything?
When we stretch out six feet under, we do not risk anything either. Is this so "safe" to burry ourselves while we are still alive?

I decided once to leave these secured paths to walk on another road. I have found my happiness and have left in their darkness these well intentioned sleepwalkers.

Sleepwalker or awaken? The choice belongs to you.